a dream

June 4, 2008

help!

 

 

The night before last, one part of the dream I remember is my boyfriend pushing me out of bed.

I got back in and he pushed me out again, and I ended up, wrapped in blankets, on the floor.

 

 

What does this mean?

Does this mean I feel like he is pushing me over the edge?
Am I letting him take the blame for me falling off the edge?
I woke up angry yesterday because of this, and ended up crying almost all day.

 

And no, the psychologist never did call back.  
I tried another one, and left another message.

Still no answer.

 

Why is it so hard to reach out for help? 

my day job

April 8, 2008

Let us start out with my full time job, shall we?

It came about randomly, through an online job search, at a time I was desperate and applying at temp agencies, thinking about waitressing, prostitution, selling a kidney, etc…

 

Not a bad job, pays pretty well, kind of creative (or used to be)

and well, I’m the only one here!

 

Normally, being the unsocial privacy whore I am, I would see this as a great time to have full concentration, freedom from onlookers, the ability to scratch myself in unseen places with ease, and generally an all around zen resort environment to work in.

 

And perhaps having free time to check emails, read the news, and catch up with the latest on my favorite blogs isn’t so bad… perhaps zoning out for 20 minutes at a time, searching for my dream loft apartment that costs more per month than I make a year, and searching for reference photos for my other clients while on the clock for this job isn’t bad at all. 

And it’s not.

It’s kind of nice.  Comfortable even.

 

Maybe a little too comfortable.

If I were my boss, I would fire me.

 

Which is why I am trying to work for myself, a whole other sack of potatoes.

more on this subject another day.